Monday, December 12, 2011
DEBATE & DISCUSSION : DATING, DISCIPLINE AND YOUR CHILD
I don't want to go on a tangent, but before a man comes into you and your child's life, a woman should be certain that his is a quality individual. The only way to find that out is with time. Being a woman with a child, I understand the frustration and loneliness but the responsibility of a young person requires your discernment , good judgement, remembering that you are responsible not just for yourself, but the emotional and physical wellbeing of your child. What do you think about blended families? How o you make yours work? How do the man your dating and your child get along?
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This is a good subject. I also married a man,my my son was 5 when we started dating now we have been married for a year and my son is 8. they get along great and always have. Growing up in a single parent household and my mother dated, but i never got along with any of them except one. I made up my mind at about 11 yrs old that any man I marry or date will have to be worthy. Im not tryna sound high minded but I learned via life that my worth is of value and the man i recieve will have to be worth giving my miond body and soul to. I had a son as a teen and later at the age of 19/20 I met my husband who I am absolutely in love with and thank God for came into the picture knowing that he was not my son's father but could be that and a friend. My son was raised to respect adults and my husband loved my son as a father should. He doesn't descipline my son on a physical basis(i do the spankings) but my son takes corrction from him in a different way because he is a man.
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ReplyDeleteOk so first I wanna say I totally agree, However I am dating a man...who has a child...we've been together for about a learn and a half...his daughter has a tendency to be VERY nosey...to point where she says things that aren't true b/c she assumes a lot of what she hears. Now I feel it is right for me to correct her...BUT her mother seems to give me attitude, so at this point I just ignore the daughter when she does it b/c I've gotten sick of the back and forth my boyfriend and his baby mother goes through just b/c I correct her. i think ALOT of people who are dating someone with children feel uncomfortable(especially when both parents are involved the child's life)b/c now it's like yea you agree with me, but you baby mother or father is going to act stank so I'm NOT going to say anything when it comes to your child...
ReplyDeleteYea when both parents are involved that makes it difficult and also when the parents are ignorant like the baby mama and let foolishness happen because they got an attitude problem because your the women in his life not her! Secondly he needs to establish to everyone who you are and where yall stand. What if your relationship grows into a marriage then you be stuck with a funky baby mama and a nosey lil girl. And might I add, I was a nosey lil girl, always in adult conversation and thought i was grown and tak\lked to adult like i was grown so that needs to be nipped in the bud!
ReplyDeleteI agree it's not easy when the other parents in the Childs life nut what I did is I got every one together and put do rules what each person agrees is ok and not ok and it worked for me for 11 years I think that's what alot of people don't do it can stop alot of the fights over the child
ReplyDeleteI can't believe this discussion came up because me and my partner just got into last night about this topic! I had my 1st child at a young age (16) and I was only single for about a year until my son's father came into my life! Young and dumb I let him put fear in her and that made her feel very unsafe to the point she didn't want to live with me when I did get out on my own. It was a very hard and trying time for me, but I was insecure and felt like I need him I neglected my daughter. Once that relationship FAILED after 5 years and my son who I mentioned earlier, I vowed that I would never let another person come between us like that again. I had some making up to with my daughter! Now I'm in a successful relationship and my daughter (14) now loves who I am with, but I do find sometimes she tries to put us against one another. I don't know if she does it purposely, but that's how it makes us feel. I would also like to add that me and my partner have to totally different parenting styles. I am more nurturing and can be a little push over and the kids get away with things... She (partner) is more stern and things need to be done in a certain kind of way. She really believes that, give me an inch and they'll (kids) will take a yard. Her striction level is about an 7 1/2, mines is about a 3 1/2!
ReplyDeleteWith all this being said, find someone who is worthy, wanting and willing to put in the time, and definitely someone who doesn't mind communicating with until you get that thing together! I also think when it comes to discipline, we as parents tend to raise our children how we were raised and that sometimes can come in the way of the blended families. I can't sit here and say there is a wrong or right way, just be careful and know what you're getting yourself into. Don't get caught up in wanting a significant other just because you're alone.
two quick stories the first one: i had a friend who would purposely do thing to destroy any relationship that her mother had with other men..whether it was disrespecting him or behaving inappropriately. he could never discipline her because her mother would always take her side...needless to say she ruined a lot of her mothers relationships....for me i remember i walked in front of my mom ex boy friend once while he was watching tv and he screamed at me made me cry (and probably emotionally scarred me a little cause clearly i remember this story). to this day i say excuse me when ever i cross in front of someone...yes it was a lesson i needed to learn..but my point of bringing it up is that, his rule was never in force in my house it was a new thing that i had never being exposed to...so mothers out there make sure that this man is on the same page as u and that he holds the same values as u then if ur comfortable he should be able to disciple them...i don't think he should be allowed to make them cry...atleast not without ur approval.
ReplyDeleteEveryone involved is starting separate relationships that will need to unite as a family, that is something that should be incorporated from the beginning.
ReplyDeleteGreat topic. I am the single mother of two girls and I can relate to a bit of what you all have shared. This is a balancing act that some do well, while others flunk big time. I have taken the route of choosing my daughters over a relationship and to be honest, sometime I regret and most times I don't. I just ended a relationship with someone of 4 years because my oldest didn't care for him and because she knows that I will not allow them to be uncomfortable in their home...he had to go. This makes me sad because I am in my mid 40's and don't see me settling down for another 3 years, when my youngest graduates high school.
ReplyDeleteUnderstanding, now that balance is an important aspect of all relationships and when children are not raised with a father/father figure in their lives....insecurities will manifest in their lives. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is if I had another chance at parenting...I would have done things differently. Like, choosing a man who understands the family dynamics and how important his role in it is.
I have a blended family and at first i didn't allow him to tell my child a thing, until my dad told me that how can a woman accept a man in their life to help upkeep her and the child and to pay bills and things of the sort, but not allow the male or female to be able to set boundaries and reprimand especially if the biological mother or father isn't in the household. i understood and i talked to my fiance about it and we have set boundaries and he talks to her and we are on the same page of respect and roles that are played in the household. but i firmly believe that with time and of course ones heart and common sense of things that your significant other should be able to reprimand and discipline the child.
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